HEYYYY
So were gonna tackle the topic of my younger brother. 6 years ago he passed 3 days before his birthday and the cause was suicide. If you are prepared to red on i posted the Trigger Warnings. Feel Free to share as someone you know may be going through a similar situation and it is just nice to not feel alone.
TW:
- Suicide
- Drugs
- Depression
- Self Harm
- PTSD
Just your friendly, sometimes spooky, neighborhood, Nuerodivergent, Gamer/Goth, Emo/Scene Queen Furry, here to talk about my brother this time. In January of 2015, I still remember where I was, the feeling in my chest, the exact date, 1/7/15, like the air got thick and heavy, my phone rang and it was my father. "he never calls" we had been estranged at the time but something pushed me to answer, and through a mess of garbled tears all I heard was "your brother passed away, I got to go, I'll call you back" and I nearly collapsed in shock as my heart sank into nowhere. He did in fact call back, explaining more. My brother was found near dead, having hung himself. He made it to the hospital but was braindead. The upside is 3 people were able to get organs, His liver, His kidneys, and his heart/lung block. Vital organs that if they had not received, their life surely would have been much shorter. This also inspired me to become an organ donor myself and follow in his giving steps. He died on the 7th of January and his birthday was the 10th of January, he would have been 23, if my memory serves me correct. The funeral was the 11th of January and I kissed his forehead, and I still have a hard time shaking that cold stiffness from my lips. I had not seen my brother in years and he didn't look right. The bloat had already set in. He was creamated, and I was given some of his ashes, I keep them with me always. The estrangement between my father and I ended, and now we are on great terms. I feel a responsibility to both my father and step mother as their only other child to be around, not an obligation, but a "Life is too short, be around before you get another phone call and you regret it" Kinda thing.
It wasn't until later that I found out he didn't hang himself sober, but was high as a kite on his poison of choice... PCP. He had been struggling with sobriety and a love affair with PCP, as well as many other chemicals. He had checked himself into rehab and tried.
The rehab put on a great life celebration, wherein I was pulled aside by one of the staff. There was a little bit of banter until she told me she was glad to finally meet me, further stating someone tried to used my name and relationship to him to get in to see him. I was in total shock. How could someone be so crass. My father just showed me off to everyone proud of our names, if you switch to letters in my name you have his name, making me a JR technically. His pain seemed eased by my presence, as his child it was the least I could do considering the entire situation.
I now have his first name, signature style, tattooed on my right foot so that he always walks with me. There is always more to the story but what is written is sometimes enough.
INSTAGRAMS:
@Doxskitty
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(Trying to regain my independence from being reliant of my parents, seeking out an apartment as well as any thing that may be needed. Photographs of all items bought with donations will be posted on this blog, and I may start an Instagram account specifically for this. Any help is appreciated and thank you in advance)
